I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
