Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
