oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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