I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
