He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
