I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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