If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
