I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
