My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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