I wish I could punch you in the face.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
