every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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