I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
