Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
