Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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