I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
