I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
