Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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