# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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