She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
