Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
