so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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