help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
