Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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