If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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