we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize