i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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