I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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