Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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