I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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