I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
