this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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