Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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