It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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