remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know her cup size but not her name....
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