I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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