I think my vagina is haunted
I wish you could order shots online.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
