i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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