it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
