be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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