There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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