The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Farmville is her only friend.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
