i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Who died my cat blue again?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
