If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
