dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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