You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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