i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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