every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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