Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
