Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
