Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
