You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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