She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
