listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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