I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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