Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
