It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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