I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
