You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
