You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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