So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
