i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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