Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
