I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
