If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
