I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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