I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
