I got chris browned last night
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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