He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He? As in you personified your dick?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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