the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
