so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
