OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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