You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Congratulations! We have a period
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