hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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