he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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