Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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