so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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