I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
