This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
