Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
