you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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