it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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