Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
