Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
